The Autumning Empire

Culture, Politics, Etc.

Art House 007: How Heineken Poisoned the Well of the West’s Most Beautiful Franchise

This piece was read by the author at Late Night Library’s 2nd Anniversary Party “Read It Like You Mean It” on April 26.

The Autumning Empire

James Bond fans are angry. Very angry. At a time of economic chaos and global uncertainty, we need archetypes that are consistent and reliable. Can you imagine Homer Simpson eating caviar? Hamlet making a fart joke? Carrot Top making a successful joke at all? No, this is not the time to “experiment,” “shake things up,” or “think outside the box.” Yet the creators of Skyfall, the latest James Bond film, have done just that. In a scene that’s created no small measure of hullaballoo and controversy, audiences will now be forced to watch Daniel Craig’s 007 drink not the customary shaken-not-stirred vodka martini. No, instead fans throughout the world will be treated to the spectacle of the world’s greatest secret agent and super spy sipping on…a Heineken.


Why? In the name of god, why would anyone allow this to happen? The answer is simple: money. This is product placement, nothing…

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