The Autumning Empire

Culture, Politics, Etc.

Archive for the month “November, 2012”

100 Worst Portrayals of James Bond Ever

Everyone loves James Bond, but even the most die hard 007 fans have to admit that a few of his cinematic incarnations have left a bad taste in our mouths that even a vodka martini can’t shake. Or stir! Much as we’d like, none of us can forget the worst portrayals of everyone’s favorite secret agent. The ones who should have had their licenses to kill revoked! Or been given the ejector seat! So while you’re enjoying the opening weekend of the brand new 007 movie Skyfall, don’t forget the SPECTRE of yesterday’s failures!

Here then are the 100 worst portrayals of James Bond ever:

100. Barney Frank

99. Sting

98. Roger Moore

97. Fred Rogers

96. Tina Louise

95. Sondra Locke

94. Gary Sinise

93. Brit Hume

92. The Osmond Family

91. John Malkovich

90. Don Knotts

89. Eileen Brennan

88. Milton Berle

87. Peter Lorre

86. Colleen Dewhurst

85. Ryan Seacrest

84. Marlon Brando

83. Roger Staubach

82. Johnny Bench

81. Lucinda Williams

80. Jimmy Stewart

79. Justin Bieber

78. Gerald Ford

77. Kate Smith

76. Charo

75. Vincent Price

74. Vincent Minnelli

73. Liza Minnelli

72. Judy Garland

71. Mickey Rooney

70. Andy Rooney

69. Lester Bangs

68. Frank Rich

67. Gore Vidal

66. Martin Van Buren

65. Robert Redford

64. The 1976 Dallas Cowboys

65. Viggo Mortenson

64. Exene Cervenka

63. Charles Nelson Reilly

62. The Guy Who Played Mr. Whipple in the Bounty Commercials

61. Julie Andrews

60. Anne Bancroft

59. Billy Ray Cyrus

58. Vic Damone

57. Washington Irving

56. Tiny Tim

55. The girl named Jenny who inspired the ‘867-5309’ song.

54. Shimon Peres

53. The Lost Lenore

52. Nina Totenberg

51. Leonard Maltlin

50. Jennifer Jason Leigh

49. Rex Harrison

44. Rod Steiger

43. Nellie the Elephant

42. Sid Vicious

41. Eddie Cantor

40. Shelley Duvall

39. Ralph Ellison

38. Fredo Corleone

37. Oh M’Darlin’ Clementine

36. Clint Howard

35. George Reeves

34. Keanu Reeves

33. George and Martha from ‘Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?’

32. The Apostle John

31. The Character in the Ian Flemming Novels

30. Screamin’ Jay Hawkins

29. Alan Alda

28. Jack Nicholson

27. Roman Polanski

26. Sid and Marty Croft

25. Keith Richards

24. Adrian Zmed

23. Daniel Radcliffe

22. Will Kempe

21. Helen Hunt

20. Steve Buscemmi

19. Ted Nugent

18. John Foster Dulles

17. Jay Silverheels

16. Billy Zane

15. Phil Spector

14. Edward Platt

13. Keith Moon

12. Joe Strummer

11. Nosferatu

10. Rich Little

9. Carey Grant (ok, he wasn’t that bad!)

8. Raymond Carver

7. Anna Maria Alberghetti

6. Mildred Dunning

5. Dom DeLuise

4. Ozzy Davis

3. Harold Bloom

2. Crispin Glover

And at number one, the worst James Bond ever is…..

Sean Connery

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